I am sitting here alone tonight thinking of my life 10 years ago. It would be the last night I would be able to hold the had of the man I loved, as tomorrow morning he has chosen to die.
Bill fought a long hard battle with cancer. He was tired and his body couldn't take any more. The Dr. gave him a choice to be put in a medical induced coma and then I would decide the day we removed him from life support. The other choice was to be taken off of life support in the morning. My brave husband made a choice that I don't know I could of. He chose to be removed from life support. As my heart broke I watched as his dad .. sisters & brothers, my parents & sisters and many friends came to say their last goodbye's. The one the made me cry the hardest that night was when my father grabbed Bill's hand and whispered in his ear I wish you a good journey. Little did I know that a little over a month later I would be whispering these same words in my fathers ear.
Tomorrow I will try to be strong because of our boys!! It will be a hard day. I will remember the good things and the good times!! Bill I want you to know I love you and miss you every day!! I hope your journey was a good one!!
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Sunday, August 07, 2011
Has it really been 10 years
Sunday August 14th will mark 10 years that I lost Bill. Some days it seems like it was yesterday, then some days it does feel like its been 10 years. I miss him so much!!
Growing up you never see yourself as a widow with 2 boys an trying to make it on your own, but here I am. I would like to say it gets easier. It doesn't you just get through it. Every year brings a new challenge. I also have many days of the "What if's" What if he had gone to the Dr sooner.. What if I would of said no.. you can come off the respirator.... I try not to but they creep in.
As I look at my boys I think to myself funny how much the boys are like their dad even though they were not around him much. I see Bill in McKinley alot in looks and attitude. That can be good and bad!! I am sad that the boys never got to see what a special man their dad could be.
Well I have depressed everyone.. If you want leave a memory of my Bill. .. One of my favorite things about him was his laugh... it was loud and boisterous and would suck you in an make you want to laugh with him.
Love to everyone!!
Growing up you never see yourself as a widow with 2 boys an trying to make it on your own, but here I am. I would like to say it gets easier. It doesn't you just get through it. Every year brings a new challenge. I also have many days of the "What if's" What if he had gone to the Dr sooner.. What if I would of said no.. you can come off the respirator.... I try not to but they creep in.
As I look at my boys I think to myself funny how much the boys are like their dad even though they were not around him much. I see Bill in McKinley alot in looks and attitude. That can be good and bad!! I am sad that the boys never got to see what a special man their dad could be.
Well I have depressed everyone.. If you want leave a memory of my Bill. .. One of my favorite things about him was his laugh... it was loud and boisterous and would suck you in an make you want to laugh with him.
Love to everyone!!
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